What to Say (and Not Say) to Someone Who Becomes a Family Caregiver

Becoming a family caregiver is an experience that reshapes a person’s life in ways that are often invisible to the outside world. While support and kindness are always appreciated, certain phrases and actions can make a caregiver feel more isolated rather than supported. If you have a loved one stepping into this role, here’s how to show up for them in meaningful ways.

What NOT to Say to a Family Caregiver

1. “Let me know if you need anything.”

   • While well-intended, this puts the burden on the caregiver to ask, which many struggle to do. Instead, offer specific help.

2. “I don’t know how you do it.”

   • This can feel isolating. Caregivers often don’t have a choice, and this phrase can make them feel like their reality is too much for others to even imagine.

3. “You need to take care of yourself.”

   • Caregivers already know this, but their time and energy are limited. Instead, offer to help make self-care possible for them.

4. “I could never do what you do.”

   • While this might seem like a compliment, it can make caregivers feel even more alone in their responsibilities.

5. “At least you still have them.”

   • Ambiguous grief is real. Many caregivers are mourning the life they thought they’d have, even while their loved one is still alive.

6. “Everything happens for a reason.”

   • This can be dismissive of the deep pain and loss that caregivers experience.

7. “Chin up” or “You got this.”

   • These phrases can feel dismissive and minimize the real emotional and physical toll caregiving takes.

What to Say Instead

1. “I see how hard this is, and I admire you.”

   • Acknowledge their effort and struggles without minimizing their experience.

2. “I’m here to listen whenever you need.”

   • Sometimes, caregivers just need to vent without judgment or advice.

3. “You don’t have to do this alone.”

   • Remind them that support is available, whether through friends, family, or community resources.

4. “I appreciate everything you’re doing.”

   • Recognition can go a long way in making a caregiver feel seen.

How to Show Up Instead of Just Asking

Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” take action in ways that make life easier for them:

• Drop off a meal – something nourishing that requires no prep or cleanup.

• Run errands – offer to pick up groceries, prescriptions, or household essentials.

• Help with household tasks – laundry, dishes, yard work, or even just vacuuming.

• Give them a break – offer to sit with their loved one so they can take a walk, nap, or just breathe.

• Send a thoughtful gesture – a coffee gift card, a handwritten note, or even a small care package.

• Include them in plans (without pressure) – invite them for a quick coffee or a walk, understanding that they may decline but still appreciate being thought of.

• Check in regularly – not just once, but over time, with no expectations attached.

The biggest gift you can give a caregiver is the reminder that they are not alone. Actions speak louder than words, and small, consistent efforts can make a world of difference in their journey.